


The Hollyhock In The Corner

by DisturbedPsychology



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Some emotional struggle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 22:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7456018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisturbedPsychology/pseuds/DisturbedPsychology
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Aoi wants to leave the band for good but his heart it's telling him to stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hollyhock In The Corner

**Author's Note:**

> This is set before the DECADE live

Aoi is done

He is sick of being nothing, ignored by everybody and making a pretty decoration of the corner, like a flower trying to ‘lit up’ a grey and empty office. He is really sick of this band but…but he couldn’t leave them…not when they were turning ten in a couple of days.

This band is his childhood dream, this band it’s that thing he always wanted while he painted his bicycle on his backyard, blasting X Japan and Luna Sea through the worn out speakers of his old tape player. This band is years of pain and hard work that would be thrown to the thrash like a paper ball. Why is he giving up this easily?

But…he really couldn’t take it anymore

In all his time in the band, no one had told him anything about his position on the band or his abilities. Reita usually joked with that kind of things, telling him “You shut up Aoi, you’re not important in this band” but it was only a joke, nothing to take seriously. However, anyone would know that Aoi doesn’t deserve to be in this band…or at least that’s what he thought.

Why? He can make a list

He would never have a great voice…fuck, when he sang for that little project some years ago he could see that. Sometimes he had to make playback so his voice would _at least_ sound good and in tone. He would never be like Ruki in singing neither have the talent to create songs in the same way the vocalist did, with all those beautiful lyrics and melodies.

He would never have Kai charisma. He doesn’t have the strength, gentleness and brains to be a leader and solve problems just like the drummer did. Leader-san carries their weight most of the times just so Gazette can keep sailing and turn into a great band.

Of course, he would never be like Reita…that idiot with a big, golden heart and the fact that he was the kind of person you either love or love a lot. He was really skilled with the bass even when it was an instrument with some disadvantages.

And finally…that one that hurt him the most. He would never be in Uruha level. Even when he is his boyfriend for a couple of years now he still feels so far away from him…he would never reach him even if he was born again. That elegant way of playing the guitar, his fingers dancing across the board like knife through butter, always coming up with ways to create new sound, living in his own world at his own pace but with a creativity worth of Da Vinci. So much beauty…it couldn’t be real.

What else could he say? He is not worth of this band

That day he arrived to the company early in the morning, they had a rehearsal for the big Makuhari live and he, instead of thinking about the live, had only one idea on his mind: He would tell the truth. He already though about it last night, he would talk to them before the rehearsal…they would be crushed: their faces confused, hurt, stressed under the older choice.

Standing right in front of the door, he let out a long sigh and turned the knob. Surprisingly, everyone was there even Uruha. Said guitarist immediately looked at the door and the moment he saw him his eyes lit up like a kid looking at his presents on Christmas morning.

-Damn, you’re finally here- Reita spoke full of sarcasm  
-I’m sorry…lost a lot of time at home-  
-Oh really?- Ruki smirked –Let me guess: You couldn’t clean the cum stains out of the sheets-  
-That’s fucking gross!- Reita screamed and everyone burst out laughing

Aoi smiled gently at the scene in front of him…stupid guilt, it’s slowly creeping towards his heart and biting at it like an angry shark

-Guys…I have something to tell you- Aoi spoke with a soft voice  
-It’ll have to wait ‘til the end of the practice Aoi-kun, we’re already late so…we have to start now- Kai ordered and, slowly, everyone picked up their instruments. The raven haired didn’t care about it, he’s already losing strength

The rehearsal went really smooth and Aoi could see the perfect union they made every time they played. It was a cycle: Kai fury connecting with Reita rhythm followed by his and Uruha harmony and finally Ruki mesmerizing voice. They were made for each other, they were a five piece puzzle and Aoi felt guilty yet again: If a single piece went missing, Gazette would collapse.

But no, he is not going to change. He is not made for this band. Period

-I need a break- Ruki mumbled against the micro –My throat hurts-  
-Are you sure it’s because of singing? Isn’t it from anything DEEP?- Reita laughed  
-What up with all this sexual innuendos?- Uruha complained, laying his guitar on his amp with care –You aren’t getting laid isn’t?

Reita made a face

-Oh! I’m sorry Mister Fuck-A-Lot- The bassist raised his hands in the air  
-More like Mister Fuck-Aoi- Kai said between laughs

Aoi blushed red

-Get the fuck out of here, you nosy idiots- the raven haired whispered and everyone laughed again  
-Let’s go and buy something- said Ruki, still laughing –Let’s leave them so they can fuck-  
-OOOOOOIIIIII!- Aoi complained again

Finally, the three guys leaved the room, Uruha and Aoi were left alone. The raven haired sat down in the only sofa of the room and he sighed yet again, placing his head between his hands. Uruha immediately sat down next to him, making contact with his arm so he would notice him

-What’s wrong? What do you want to tell us?-

Aoi raised his head, his eyes making contact with Uruha bright, honey colored gaze

-Nothing important-  
-It looks really important to me, you’re not you today-

Aoi lowered his gaze, Uruha placed his hand on his chin and turned his head so they could look at each other once again.

-What’s wrong Yuu?-

He said his real name, something so intimate and deep between them, Aoi immediately fell for that sweet, velvet-like tone of voice calling him “Yuu” and seeking his eyes

-I’m leaving the band…-

Uruha held his breath for a second then, almost desperately, reached for his lover hands and entwined their fingers

-Why? Is it because of some member? I know Reita can be an asshole sometimes but…- Aoi cut him  
-No Kouyou, it doesn’t have anything to do with them-  
-Then…with the staff? Is someone from the staff isn’t?-  
-Kouyou, listen to me-  
-I’m sorry-

Aoi lowered his gaze to their hands

-It doesn’t have anything to do with anyone but me…I’m not comfortable here Kouyou, I feel like a left over in this band. There’s so much talent here, so much things to share and everyone is really fighting to reach our goal. Just look at us…we’re turning ten and it’s thanks to their effort, I’m just an idiot not really trying. If I could only spend more time with the band the same way Ruki and Kai do everything would be better…I don’t even have anything for the band, my compositions are not even half as good has yours, I can’t share a connection with everybody like Reita and…-

This time, Aoi was cut short by a pair of soft lips on top of his and he immediately responded to the kiss, too used to this kind of sensations. His arms crossed behind Uruha neck and the young guitarist placed his hands on Aoi legs, trying to make the kiss deeper

The had a few days without sharing this moments, all those meetings and rehearsals alongside the interviews and photoshoots started taking their toll. They barely saw each other and soon they stopped kissing and making love. The closer physical contact being a hug between breaks or holding hands under the meeting table.

So, for Aoi, this kiss tasted like heaven itself.

They broke the kiss a few moments after, Uruha had his typical goofy grin and his eyes were so full of love and tenderness that Aoi could only thank his life for giving him the chance of meeting this wonderful man. The young guitarist placed his forehead on his and then slowly caressed his cheek, he could feel his breath on his lips

-You don’t have to be like Ruki or like Kai –he whispered- Neither like Reita and much less like me…you’re unique Aoi. You get it? You have your own talent, you give a lot to this band…you’re a great guitarist and a great human being with such a beautiful heart. You can place every emotion on those strings and you placed your life on this band just like everyone else. Do you know why you feel like this? Because you can’t see how amazing you are…you’re really amazing Aoi, in every way. You’re making people happy: Your parents, your siblings, the guys, the staff, the fans, me…you’re a sun and everyone dances around you. That’s how much you matter-

He kissed him again, the kiss lasting a bit longer before taking their breath

-We’re in a band for fun remember? So what if you’re an idiot? Most politicians and leaders of the world are a bunch of idiots and they still get to rule a country. You don’t have to change anything, you’re unique. With all your flaws and all your virtues…that’s what makes you the most beautiful hollyhock in the whole garden Aoi. That’s what makes me fall in love with you all over again every single day of my life since I met you-

Aoi felt his chest swell with pride at the words from his boyfriend, all of that…all of that was in front of him he just…couldn’t see it. He hughed Uruha tight, his head dipping in the crook of his neck while the younger slide his hand through his waist

-I love you Kouyou-

Uruha laughed gently and then caressed his back. He was about to say something when the door opened, the vocalist froze right on the door: he had a bottle of Orangina in one hand and a pack of cigarettes in the other

-Oops, wrong moment-  
-Really?- Reita looked over Ruki shoulder  
-Are they dressed?- Kai shouted, walking through the hall or so it seemed  
-Yeah- Ruki shouted back

Aoi turned around and frowned

-You definitely aren’t getting any ass lately-  
-Yeah yeah mister fuck-a-lot- Reita crossed his arms on his chest –What were you going to tell us anyway?-

The raven haired looked at Uruha and then smiled

-Nothing really. Just that I love you guys a lot-

All three growled at the same time

-Damn it, there’s no wedding- Kai complained  
-I really wanted you guys to get married…- Ruki shrugged and then walked to his microphone  
-I’m broken hearted- Reita made a pout –By the way Aoi…who cares? You’re not important in this band-

Aoi laughed out loud and then raised from the sofa. Uruha stole one last kiss from him while everyone was distracted and then walked to his beloved Hellion.

The raven haired smiled widely when they started playing again…how could he be such a fool? He doesn’t want to leave this place, never. Now, more than ever, he felt part of the Gazette

He wasn’t a hollyhock in the corner, he was the brightest of them all

**Author's Note:**

> So...this was inspired by a bunch of gifs I saw on Tumblr where Aoi said that he wanted to leave the band after the 10th anniversary live but at the end choose to stay. My imagination ran wild and well...this came out. 
> 
> Thank you very much for reading!


End file.
